Don't let others determine your happiness!
September 4, 2020
Diffident- “Modest or shy because of a lack of self-confidence.”
In 7th grade, I was 5’3, 247 pounds with a lot going on. I was “diffident.” As one of the bigger kids in my class, I was embarrassed and insecure, and it didn’t help that I had to go to the doctor’s office to hear them tell me how I was extremely overweight, which I had already known because of my previous visits to the doctors. Sitting in the car after the appointments, I would think to myself how I missed the average BMI (Body Mass Index) by 117 pounds.
People say you don’t have to be perfect to make you feel better about yourself. At the same time, doctors tell people what they have to be to be at a healthy weight and where we should be in our life. We are living in a perfect, imperfect society, and it’s sad.
I forced myself to change my mindset and lose weight for something I wanted early in my life. I was a curvier girl and my body had matured early. It was hard because boys would never keep their eyes up, but of course boys will be boys. I struggled with the sports I wanted to play because the breast cancer risk factor with contact sports. A doctor talked to me about how I needed to lose weight before trying to pursue reduction surgery.
I worked my butt off during my 8th grade wrestling season (yes, I wrestled) and three months and 85 pounds later, I thought I would finally have the change that was needed to get this surgery that I’ve wanted since 7th grade.
On February 21st, 2019, my appointment came around for a specialist to take measurements and to assess payments. I got there and the specialist took my weight, height and measurements. He spoke to me about what he could do, as in how much he could reduce my chest. It was nearing the end of the appointment and by the way things were going with the specialist, it looked like we were ready to set surgery dates. But at the end of the appointment, the specialist informed me that I would not be qualified for the surgery. I was confused and asked why. The reason the specialist gave was that I needed to lose 32 more pounds. I was speechless. I walked out of the room down the hall, to my mom’s car and when I shut the door, I just cried hysterically.
I worked so hard just to be told after paperwork, measurements, etc., that my hard work was for nothing. After that day, I didn’t go to school for a couple of days because I got into the mindset that my hard work wasn’t enough for myself, my teachers, and even my family. I shut down and stress-ate, and threw all of it out the window and gained half of the weight back. I regret it but you never notice what you have until you don’t have it anymore.
I decided to write this story to show how society has a big impact of mental and physical health. Society has people thinking if your not good enough for society then what are you good enough for? If you can’t please a general group of people that someone else wants you to be.
But you know what? It is now 2020 and I am more then happy with my body, whether I am overweight or not.